Here’s what sucks…

Here’s the deal. I did 3 BEAUTIFUL sober days and they went by quicker than I thought, frankly. Yes, I had my “dementor” try to consume me and begged me to drink off and on throughout those days but I stood firm and faced the ugly dude. It was wonderful to have energy, feel good about myself, feel clear-headed, and every other wonderful feeling that comes with being sober. Then I f*** it up yesterday and the day before and here I sit on the couch with no energy. I look like shit. I get hot, I get cold. And I’m trying very hard to not bash myself for screwing up 3 perfect days. It’s gorgeous outside and I have a million things I could be doing today but instead I’m hungover. THIS is where I didn’t want to be again. Don’t get me wrong. I plan to never be back to this hellishness that makes me hate myself. I liked myself 3 days ago. I want that back. So I’m going to take care of myself for the rest of the day by going upstairs to get in the shower. I’m going to hydrate with lots of cold water and I’m going to get off the self-hate that wants to consume me right now. I’m going to visualize my success as a non-drinker. Because I can see it, feel it, and want it SOOOOO badly. Just writing this makes me feel more positive. I’m getting those 3 days back and then all the other days of the year will follow right behind. I can do this. NO DOUBT.

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